Saturday, December 20, 2008

My Heart...just being sentimental

We are home tonight and have been watching the movie Home Alone together. The boys are so glad that school is out for a while. The music you are listening to is from this movie. It makes me sad and happy all at once. Funny how music moves me.

The thought hit me only a few minutes ago that Will's senior year is half over. We watched old home videos this afternoon and I loved hearing the laughter of our children. I guess maybe seeing those videos brought on this sentimental feeling. I have tried not to let myself think about it being Will's last year at home. God has been gracious in helping me not blubber everyday since the start of this school year. But, I have to say that at this moment my heart is feeling a little cracked. Kind of like it is starting to break a little.

Being a mom is what I always wanted to be. Wanting to be a working woman was the farthest thing from my mind. I am thankful that God allowed me to have the life I have had. I am also thankful that my husband wanted me to be at home as much as possible. How blessed I have been to be able to be around to see and enjoy every moment of our boys lives. It has all just gone so quickly. I look in the mirror and see changes (some wrinkles and evidence of gravity in several areas)... but inside I don't feel older. It does not seem as if it could have possibly been 18 years since we first heard that sweet baby boy laughing.
Is he ready to go out on his own? Smart enough, strong enough ,wise enough? Have we taught him all he needs to know? Will he always have the desire to stay close to God and to seek His face and His will? I ask these questions knowing deep down that he is ready and it will be alright. What a wonderful time we have all had.

Sorry...such weighty thoughts. I pray that we can handle this big change of our physical family going from four people to three soon. We laugh and tell Wes that he will have our undivided attention when Will leaves. He just rolls his eyes.

Anyway, for now I will take a deep breath, wipe my eyes and just enjoy this moment in time. Memorizing everything about tonight...the snugly couch, hot coffee, funny movie and most of all laughter and hugs from my grown up son. Be still my heart. Thank you God for holding me tight.

1 comment:

Max said...

Aren't we glad God had shared this precious boys with us for these years? Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have a lot of the same ones.
You have special boys... they have a special Mom!
Glad you are a part of our lives.
Love ya,